Get Out of (The Good Girl) Jail Free

by Linda Allen · May 18, 2016

“So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” The Eagles, Already Gone

I played that song often as my toxic relationship ended. It gave me strength to finally end what had been a three year nightmare. I’m what they call a people pleaser. My life focus was trying to “live by the rules.” The expectations, judgments, and needs of others usually held more importance than mine. Sound familiar?

Psychology is a funny thing. Unlike a physical condition, there is no doctor to do an -ectomy. And while some people cope by using various drugs or alcohol, my experience is that those are merely temporary escapes that only temporarily cover up the issues. When you wake up sober or straight, nothing has changed. You still hurt. You’re still empty in ways that cannot be described.

Most of us learn to cope, or just numb our way through life. We forget who we really are. Because there is no “magic pill” and no permanent “fix,” we never quite get to a place called “normal.” But that doesn’t mean life cannot get better. Like waking from an unpleasant dream, it’s possible to re-connect to that pure and wonderful part of ourselves that longs to be free.

I’ve been to counseling. I’ve been to seminars, read countless books. And of course, I’ve done meditation and yoga. But you have to realize that these are all tools, not cures. You learn what you can, and go forward. Hopefully, you move a little closer to your true self.

As editor of Ms Career Girl, I receive many requests to do book reviews. I choose those that, according to the PR pitch, sound interesting and relevant to the Ms Career Girl audience. Sometimes, I get a pleasant surprise.

Beyond the Good Girl Jail

When “Beyond the Good Girl Jail” arrived, I read the other resources before starting the book. And, I took an online assessment that is an additional resource developed by the author, Sandra Felt. As I went through the questions, I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever failed a test so badly!

Yes, I’m still on the journey to my true self. As I read each page of the book, the stories resonated, the emotions, and tears, flowed. But it wasn’t because I’m hopeless. It was because it was like reading about my own life.

The author gives useful . . . no, powerful tools to use in our quest to get out, or stay out, of the “good girl jail.” Below are a couple of my favorite quotes and one of the pieces of poetry also written the author. I highly recommend this heart-touching read. I cannot imagine a better book crossing my desk any time soon. There will be a follow-up to this post, an interview with the author. Watch for it.

The Good-Girl Jail is not punishment for doing something wrong. In fact, it is the result of trying hard to do everything right – – according to the expectations of others.
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Many of us set aside our true self somewhere along the way and no longer fully live our own life or listen to our innate inner guidance. Some of us have even forgotten that our true self exists and don’t realize this has happened. It seems to sneak up on us.
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When we listen to that other voice inside, our true self, however, our response is different. Something inside seems to click into place. What we are hearing fits us and feels right. We can breathe more easily. Our body relaxes. Sometimes we sigh. We often feel relief and “just know” what we need to do.