Handling Haters and Critics At Work
There’s always enough reasons you can come up with for not wanting to go to work. But knowing there are haters and critics at work shouldn’t be one of them. You know the ones I mean. It’s like they can’t wait to stomp on your dreams and self-image. And if you’re one of those women who stuffs your feelings and emotions it can not only eat at you but also derail your career.
One of the challenges in dealing with this is that the perpetrators come in so many varieties. See if you can identify any of these in your workplace. (Check these out in detail at Gears Theory)
- The Angry Hater. Dangerous, but at least you know what to expect from them.
- The Silent Hater. Jealousy, toxicity, and resentment are their trademarks.
- The Know-it-All Hater. They’re full of answers, veiled criticism, and s**t.
- The One-Up Hater. You can be first . . . right after them.
- The Best-Friend Hater. The classic wolf in sheep’s clothing. Watch your back.
And then there’s the critics. You may be wondering how critics differ from haters. Mostly, it’s a matter of degree. Critics are like amateurs, beginning martial arts students. Haters, on the other hand, are black belts, and their objectives are focused. From Rick McNary, here are the common critics you’ll find out there:
- The Ignorant Critic is like the sports fan on his third six pack yelling at the wide receiver to run faster. They don’t know what they’re talking about but assume that if they’re loud enough, someone will think they are an expert.
- The Destructive Critic will usually lie first by saying things like, “I want to give you some constructive criticism. The destructive critic points out your faults without any suggestions or solutions for improvement.
- The Vindictive Critic is someone who wants to hurt you with criticism. Usually, the vindictive critic will know your weaknesses and expose them with the deliberate intent to wound you. Yet they often say they are being constructive.
- The Comparative Critic likes to compare you in a negative way to someone else or to them. They let you know that they would do it better than you because, well, they think they’re better than you. Or they compare you to some superstar who you really don’t even want to be like.
- The Jealous Critic is hard to spot because they’re sneaky; no one will ever admit they are jealous of you. But they point out your faults not so much because you’re wrong, but because they are jealous and are looking for ways to feel superior to you. Their criticism is more about their inadequacy than it is about your faults.
- The Unhappy Critic is never happy with anything- especially themselves- so they will criticize anything their unhappiness manages to run into that day. Avoid these people like the plague.
Okay, by now you’re probably feeling even more like not going to work. Just staying home with your cat and a great cup of coffee. But life won’t let you do that, so what can you do to deal with it? In general, use all those seemingly negative encounters as learning experiences. Remember, even in a field of rocks you can find a few keepers.
I’ve had to deal with my share of haters and critics. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of enduring until circumstances change, which they always do. And I know that some of us seem to get more than their fair share of hater and critic challenges. One of those people is Renae Scott, who has faced her fair share of destructive criticism as a woman in the restaurant business.
I recently asked Renae, CMO of Togo’s Eateries, about her experience in handling workplace negativity. Here are her responses to my questions:
What are some of the major ways you’ve experienced “haters” at work?
When I’ve introduced new and innovative ideas, the haters start to creep out of their offices with their bag of rocks. To defend yourself as these folks start throwing stones, you need to stay positive and firmly hold on to your vision. There’s a difference between constructive and destructive criticism. Constructive critics break ideas down in order to build them up stronger, whereas destructive critics never offer alternative solutions. Haters love a fight, so don’t give them one. Listen to their critique, and then ask them to help brainstorm solutions. By bringing them into the project with solution-based thinking, the haters will quickly become supporters.
Are there any ways you think women in leadership roles face different types of scrutiny than their male counterparts?
Women who openly express anger at work are often looked at with more criticism than their male counterparts who do the same. Anger has its place and is certainly appropriate at times in the workplace. I think the more women are comfortable with their emotions (like anger) the more others in the workplace will be comfortable with them as well.
Criticism is unavoidable in the workplace. What is your advice for other women in leadership positions to face the negativity and avoid letting it destroy progress?
Leaders should build teams that support a positive vision. Hire the cheerleaders who respond first with “Yes, we can do that.” Next, also hire a few realists. Realists will look at your vision or project and show you where there may be issues, and then they offer solutions. Avoid hiring Eeyores. Negative and passive people on your team will stall your vision more quickly than anything. It’s also important to realize and accept that you can never please everyone. If you have big dreams, someone will always resist. Don’t let this stop you from acting. Own your failures – when you acknowledge your mistakes and actively work to correct them, others can’t use them to tear you down. Lastly, don’t forget to show gratitude. Appreciation helps strengthen against any doubt or dejection, and can even make the haters change their stance.
Become Resilient
By remembering who you are, and all your positives and strengths, you can deflect most of the garbage tossed at you by haters and critics. And remember, your most destructive critic can be yourself. Listen to those trying to rain on your vision, including yourself, and turn that feedback into something valuable.
