How to Deal With Oversharers In The Workplace
Oversharing is something we’ve all been on the receiving end of at one point or another. Becky from accounting loves to share intimate details about her marriage, Max from HR never stops sharing details about his health problems. Sometimes, we just don’t want to hear someone’s intimate details, especially in the workplace. We’re not always close to those we work with, and things can get pretty awkward with an oversharer.
So, how do you deal with an oversharer at work? Do you ignore them? Tell them they’re annoying? Report them to HR? Here’s your guide to dealing with an oversharer at work without stepping on anyone’s toes. Remember, you have every right to set firm boundaries and not listen to an oversharer.
Decide What’s Too Much
First and foremost, you’ll want to decide what’s “too much”. What do you see as oversharing? For some, even the slightest personal details are too much, and it’s important to understand that wherever your boundaries are, it’s ok! You don’t have to feel ashamed because you don’t want to hear anything about your co-workers’ personal lives. Sometimes, we just like to keep work and private life entirely separate.
Take a closer look at some of the things that have been said to you that make you uncomfortable. Do personal problems like breakups or marital issues make you uncomfortable? Details about sexual relationships? Finances? Children?
Once you’ve decided what’s too much for you, you can move on to the next step: setting boundaries.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are a crucial component of a relationship dynamic, whether it’s a work relationship or personal relationship. Boundaries are hard no’s; things you simply won’t accept, won’t do, or things you won’t say/don’t want said to you. This is where things get difficult because not everyone reacts well to boundaries; especially when they’re new boundaries.
If you’re dealing with an oversharer, you need to set a boundary as soon as possible. The key to setting effective boundaries is communication. After all, if you don’t communicate that a boundary exists, you can’t fault the person for crossing it.
So, how do you set a boundary? First and foremost, you need to explain to the person why this new boundary exists. Don’t be afraid to let someone know that what they’re saying is making you uncomfortable. Sometimes, people don’t even realize what they’re saying is affecting others until someone communicates that fact.
Next, you need to maintain that boundary. Don’t let it slip, don’t neglect it, and don’t give out too many passes. You can expect a few weeks’ time to pass before the person gets into the habit of respecting your new boundary. Any longer than that shows they don’t respect the boundary and you may have a bigger problem on your hand.
Are You Oversharing?
When you’re surrounded by oversharers, it’s easy to subconsciously adopt that behavior and not even realize it. Before you start telling others to stop oversharing, you have to make sure that you’re not doing the same thing. Setting the example will help guide others toward the same path of behavior and remove the hypocrisy from your requests.
Ask your co-workers if they feel you overshare. Watch their reactions when you tell them things. You can usually tell if someone is uncomfortable with what they’re hearing.
Remember That Sharing Is Healthy
Remember that it’s ok to share some personal details at work. Trust comes from sharing personal thoughts, experiences, and beliefs. You can’t exactly get to know someone better without sharing a few intimate details. It’s important to understand when too much is too much and when you haven’t shared enough.
Truthfully, you don’t have to share anything at work, but you’ll likely earn the distrust of your co-workers if you adopt this practice. This can lead to greater problems at work and might cause you extra stress when your work relationships become strained.
Redirect
Redirection is a great way to combat uncomfortable topics. By redirecting, you’re shifting the focus from the uncomfortable personal details and on something else. This can be anything; a work event, a question about work, etc. Redirection helps everyone move away from the oversharing and instead put their effort into something more constructive.
Redirection is a simple tactic, and once you master it, you can apply it to all kinds of situations, even outside of work! Let’s all work together to make the workplace enjoyable, comfortable, and trustworthy.
Conclusion
Oversharing in the workplace can make everyone feel uncomfortable. If someone you work with is an oversharer, or if it’s you that’s oversharing, it’s time to set some boundaries and focus on better communication with those you work with. Remember that sharing some personal details is a way to build trust, but pay close attention to what makes your co-workers or you uncomfortable.