Why Speculating the Story makes you a Dummy
One of the things I love about little kids is that they have no filter. They ask you what they want to know and they tell you whatever you ask them. It’s only when we grow up that this changes. Now instead of asking “what’s the deal?”, we the adults instead choose speculating. Yeah, we sit there and create a storyline that has absolutely no basis in reality and has nothing to do with the person whom we feel has wronged us. Nope, just us and our pea brains going to work. In a vacuum. And when we’re done creating, we deal out consequences based upon that imaginative masterpiece. When did we become so dumb?
Our speculations are based upon two things: 1. The messed up way that we view the world based upon our experiences, and 2. Our insecurities. Yes, the problem lies with you boo, so stop. This became clear to me recently when I endured 48 hours of hell-bent rage. Here’s what happened…
So my friend had a birthday. We’ve been friends for 5 years and for the past 4 she has invited me to her party. So imagine my surprise when her birthday passed this year and yours truly did not get an invite. Whaaat?! Me?! Who does she think she is? I was livid!
It’s one thing to not invite me over on the weekend, but to exclude ME from your birthday party, well this was war. I called her every name in the book, to myself of course. I speculated as to why why why she would not invite me. I was sure I knew the only possibilities:
- She needed some space from me.
- She didn’t want to be friends anymore and this was the perfect way to make that clear.
- She got some new friends and was feeling like the It girl of the week
- She’s a bitch
When you speculate you are usually wrong
It was definitely one of those four possibilities. Duh. Well, forget her, I will NEVER speak to her again. She has some balls. I was mad. For two days. Then I calmed down and accepted it. I thought hey, people have the right to not invite someone they don’t feel like inviting. I was hurt.
Then two more days passed, and guess what I got? An invitation to her birthday party. Huh? I was happy! I went, partied like a rock star and made resolutions to be a better friend. But wait, I still didn’t have the story. All of a sudden she busted it out.
What’s the deal?…
The night before her birthday, her brother was celebrating his 30th in rock star fashion. They all knew in advance that they would need a week to recover, so she put off her party for a week. Wow. I was stupid.
You’ve done the same thing countless times in both your personal and professional life. Created a story and convinced your stupid self that the only possibility was what you thought it was. Tried and executed people in your life when the fact is you just didn’t know. Stop. When you speculate, you are usually WRONG. If it’s that important to you, just ask. Don’t be a dummy.
